Boundaries

boundaries

Feeling put upon?

Think people take advantage of your good nature?

Take many things in your stride on a daily basis and then suddenly everything goes pop!!

Maybe you like to think you are easy going and accommodating of other people.

Are you kidding yourself?!!

Is it really that you are not standing up for yourself and not setting a boundary?

 

We all need boundaries to feel safe but also to perform well.

Boundaries:-

– set limits for ourselves and others.

– are guided by our beliefs and values.

– help us identify with the ideals and principles we live by.

– draw a line between what is acceptable for us and what is not.

Boundaries need to exist in most aspects of our lives.

Without them, or with blurring of the edges, we can become anxious, stressed and muddled.

Do you need to wake up and establish where yours are?

They may relate to habits, hobbies, career choices and leisure time.

They may be different in lifestyle, friendship and living norms.

Which boundaries do you need to review?

Exploring concerns with a therapist may help you to define yours!!

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Feeling anxious?


As someone who has struggled with anxious feelings for over 10 years and not being influenced by these thoughts prior to this, I find it frustrating to continue to have to manage both anxious thoughts and feelings from time to time.

 

ARRRGH!! 

When these feelings present themselves what can I do?

 

Generally I find the following helps to improve my state:-

-Take the time to look at something beautiful – really notice and enjoy the moment…

Use all my senses to really pay attention to an item eg. flowers picked from the garden?

-Eat a balanced, healthy diet

-Walk in the countryside and connect with nature

-Keep active – walking, gardening, running, cycling, swimming

-Go to bed at a regular time, avoiding screen time before bed and prioritise sleep

-Connect with people who are aware of  my challenges and empathetic, not dismissive

-Make time for meditation and/ or relaxation

-Socialise with family and friends in a familiar situation

 

However when there are different situations, where these routines and habits are less able to be incorporated into daily life, or extra factors need to be accommodated  and this can be much more difficult.

Emotional challenges and feeling stressed can exacerbate the anxious feelings, so pacing and planning for time out to adapt and acclimatise to challenges are essential.

My primary tip!

Take time out to accept feelings and not be so hard on myself!

 

If this is difficult to achieve seek support. Services can be accessed via your Gp.

Alternatively a hypnotherapist can help you to change your thought processes and in turn your feelings and behaviours.

Complete the contact form attached if you have any queries.

Reflection, mental well being and mobiles

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Was that a snap or message?  Was it a ‘like’?  How do I look? Why is nobody responding to me?

Many of us are tied into constantly checking our phones.

The constant pressure of having our mobile phone next to us (often in the hand) so we can respond to any minor connection or feedback we may get, is burning out our energy and frazzling our brains!

How can we hope to function well living like this?  We are social animals.

Human connection and bonding within a social group, developing our skills so we can have  interactions, conversations and laughter, gives us a group role. This feeds into our sense of purpose and sense of belonging. All essential ingredients for our general well being.

University is one a big change for young people, who are often taking the first big step away from their tried and tested social network. (This is one example there are many other times when there are changes in life and the same challenges of social connection are present).

Following an increase in suicides amongst young people, particularly in later teenage years and young adulthood, the Vice Chancellor of Bristol University highlighted mobile phones as being one of the factors creating increased mental health distress.

Having ‘time to reflect’on what we are experiencing, before we communicate, reinforces what I’m observing in my work as a Hypnotherapist.

Just taking time at any stage of our day to be in the moment, reflect and enjoy those sensations of ‘being present’, allows our mind to calm.

If the brain has no down time to assess before responding, how can we function well? This constant bombardment of information and lack of time out is effecting mental well being.

We are being reactive and constantly available, but not really connecting satisfactorily!

What about face to face connection and personal feedback? With more time working from home I’ve noticed for myself you get more reliant on technology for communication and it is the personal interaction which boosts well being.

Take every opportunity to talk to people either face to face, when out and about, connect with friends by talking on the phone if meeting is not possible. Put some social meet ups in your diary…

Stay in the moment – chat, engage and talk – communicate!!

Reconnect with people to feel good!

One of the hardest jobs!

All of us moms know the truth… Life isn’t easy. Parenting is the hardest job I’ve ever done. Being a mom is so rewarding and wonderful, but it is also physically and emotionally exhausting. I love my children (who are now ages nine and seven). They also frustrate and infuriate me at times, but I […]

via Create a Parenting Routine and Be Willing to Break that Sh*t — Wonder Mommy

Exam stress!!

 

exam-revision

Its that time of year again!!

Teenagers all over the country are beginning to feel the pressure…

poor motivation?

dis-organisation?

apathy?

erratic moods?

impending sense of panic?

anxiety?

As parents of a possibly uncommunicative, yet stressed teenager, where the young person may have great difficulty expressing their concerns, can be a challenging time for the whole family.

Knowing where to go to seek support can be tricky!

If the teenager is demonstrating anxiety and depression symptoms, where they appear to be not coping with erratic emotions, have significant changes in eating and sleeping habits or are expressing feelings of low mood, particularly suicidal thoughts, then a Gp consultation is necessary.

For many teenagers it can be much more subtle than this and who may improve the situation can be less obvious.

The schools and colleges are getting better at offering sessions on tips and strategies which enhance the students planning for revision, so they feel better prepared and more able to cope with the pressures.

Encourage the teenager to access support at school with lunch time and after school sessions and talk to their teacher about difficulties they are having.

With the multiple demands on teenagers this preparation is getting harder to focus on.

It relies on the teenager not being too hormonal, influenced by their peers (which has long been the case), but magnified by the massive influence from social media.

This constant distraction of messages, apps and the internet is pervasive and often difficult to manage alongside their rapidly developing brains. As many study skills need to be accessed on line it is increasingly difficult to avoid the pull of the internet.

Personal discipline is crucial and the challenges many:-

  • addiction to social networking and the phone constantly in the hand
  • a fear of failure making even starting to think about study difficult
  • performance anxiety making focusing a challenge
  • a lack of engagement with their studies
  • no clear sense of direction

Accessing resources to improve the teenagers ability to remain calm, focus and commit to performing in the way that does them justice is hugely beneficial.

A session or 2 with a Hypnotherapist who can offer NLP techniques to promote these skills, either with or without hypnosis, can help the teenager to set the intention and take the steps towards achieving their goals.

Contact me if you want to explore this conversation further.

Sometimes recognising what is happening for the student is the first step.

 

Glimmers of spring

Hoping for some more days like this!

Feb 18 022

We’ve had a few sunny days, but it’s not long after the snow and the changeable weather often brings a chilly wind. Its tempting not to venture far from your hopefully warm and cosy home.

To boost well being its always good to get out and about.

Reasons to get outside include:-

As a dog owner or befriender you can wrap up warmly and get out there, as they insist on this several times a day!!

Explore with children the parks, woodlands or public footpaths and observe the bursting buds of bushes, trees and plants or of new animal life. Help them to learn about the wonders of our nature and countryside.

The garden is always beckoning at this time of year so small jobs to clear, tidy and prepare for the bursting forth of plants and vegetables, during any clear spells, helps to boost positive feelings. Plan the garden of the summer!

With an improving picture, planning to meet friends and family for gatherings out and about in new places or old haunts. Helps with reconnecting after the winter hibernation.

Lighter nights,with the clocks going forward this weekend, ensures more daylight and opportunities to attend all kinds of social events. Consider taking up an activity in the evening of these lighter nights. Get out on your bike, join a club or find an exercise buddy? Keeping active to improve your health.

Community events are planned in parks, villages, halls and the countryside which engage people with all kinds of skills and entertainment. This brings a sense of hope and interest. Opportunities to connect in many different ways, socialise and have fun are more abundant.

Volunteering time and skills to benefit your local community, gives the volunteer a sense of  well being too. Skills may involve working in buildings to offer services for individuals or organisations, connecting with others and may involve activities outdoors too. A great benefit of this work for the individual is the sense of contribution and involvement locally, which can boost powerful positive feelings.

So it all looks good!

Certainly it is an improving picture. All activity and connecting with nature is good for our body and minds, so it is great to be able to plan more of both of these into the coming weeks.

What about those niggling health and well being issues, which need some small shifts for you to be able to engage in these opportunities?

Motivation to:-

get more active

eat more healthily

reduce negative thoughts

feel confident talking to new people

reduce addictive habits

incorporate better ways of living your life

Need support to start the changes? A Hypnotherapist can start you on your journey…

Wherever you are, I hope you can get planning and enjoy some sunny, warmer moments in the coming weeks.

 

Managing negative thoughts?

At times managing negative automatic thoughts can be difficult.

Any holiday period…with a change in routines, interacting closely with family members, or not as you would like, more time on your hands to think, plus the enhancements of alcohol or lots of rich food etc can amplify the thoughts running through your mind.

The Christmas holidays can be one of those times. Or the weeks following this when the debts need to be paid and the hangover of social events may be on your mind.

 

negative-thoughts

There are lots of quotes and suggestions on how to bannish these negative thoughts and focus on positive thoughts.

This can be really difficult to do!!

Working hard to stop negative thoughts and somehow not managing to keep them from from popping into your head and lodging there, as a rumination – going round and round, can add to the negative cycle.

Dr Judith Beck, a Psychologist and President of the Beck Institute for Cognitive Behaviour Therapy in USA carried out research in 2013 which demonstrated that women were more likely than men to ruminate. However some people are more prone to negative thinking than others and this can be genetic and/or as a result of childhood experiences.

As constant negativity can interfere with happiness, add to our stress levels and eventually damage our health we are increasingly aware ongoing negative thoughts are not good for us.

This can add to increasing feeling of failure, due to not managing these negative thoughts.

 By not trying to stop these negative thoughts, worry and obsession can be reduced.

 

9-negative-thoughs

The basic premise of mindfulness meditation is acknowledging your negative thoughts which can lessen their weight. Acknowledgement and acceptance of these negative thoughts is the way forward!

Once the negative thought is accepted force yourself to challenge it.

There are many exercises you can use, based on cognitive behavioural therapy or CBT. Google or access ‘get self help’.

If your negative thoughts are making you feel overwhelmed – practice taking some deep breaths. Controlled breathing can help reduce the stress reponse and calm anxious thoughts.

Practicing meditation or self hypnosis can boost your positive feelings.

The more you practice acknowledging, accepting and challenging negative thoughts the sooner this can become the

However if your thoughts are making you feel distressed  or are interfering with your work or social habits, seek help from a mental health professional.

The challenges of the festive season?

“Tis the season to be jolly”

Socialising, eating, drinking and being merry with family and friends in cosy, sparkly and fun filled environments –

or so we hope!

autumn-15-206

 

Christmas bring lots of expectations of ourselves and others, to have a good time and for everything to be christmas advert perfect!

With family members absent, or living away, financial constraints, seperated parents, relationship challenges, physical illness and mental health issues, let alone the family dynamics when getting together, the reality can be very different.

So prepare for the onslaught to keep yourself positive through this holiday period.

Help others or ask for support as this may prevent you from feeling too fraught.

Have the food menu and present list organised well in advance, if you are hosting. Liaise with the other attendees for ideas to contribute to the smooth running of the celebration days.

Or ask what your host would like you to bring, prepare or contribute if you are lucky enough to be sharing with others, so you feel involved too.

Keep things simple – focus on what is important – spending some quality time with family and friends in convivial surroundings.

Ask someone you know is alone at Christmas to share some celebration with your group.

Volunteer some time or money for the charities supporting the most vulnerable at this time of year.

Giving to others will boost your sense of well being.

Focus on gratitude!

 

For many people it is possible to pace and plan for the festive season, but for some the additional challenges at Christmas time make this much more difficult.

Mental illnesses such as anxiety or health issues worsened by overeating and excessive drinking can be difficult to manage during the festivities.

 Consider how you would ideally like to be, despite these challenges, if you functioned at your best?

Again planning beforehand can be useful.

To access resources which could help you to manage these feelings and anxieties in the coming weeks, input from a Coach or Hypnotherapist can be beneficial for developing new techniques.

Strategies which support you to access your inner resources at crucial moments.

Not always possible right now, but be aware these tools are available for you to access in the future…

Have a positive a festive period!

Anxiety

Anxiety,  is a  little word

but with a

big impact.

Anxiety

Anxiety is the sensation of being on high alert, otherwise recognised as the “fight or flight response”.

This is a normal body function. When faced with a threat, the body responds via the sympathetic nervous system and hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis and shifts into gear to prepare you for action. Your body is mobilising resources to mobilise body and brain.

This normal response gives physical symptons of shortness of breath, fluttering in the stomach, racing heartbeat and sweating and emotionally you may start to feel fearful.

This sense of being ready for action was necessary in the days when we lived in caves and lived a primitive life. We often had to use our body physically and this gave an outlet for the energy build up.

Nowadays you may need to be on high alert in different situations, maybe to present a speech to a large group or a discussion with your boss if a confrontation is brewing which needs to be addressed. Then your body prepares, to sharpen your attention, so you can set about performing. This performance is an outlet for the build up of energy.

Unfortunately humans are unique in that a danger doesn’t have to be present to give us this response, we can conceptualise it. Neuroscientist Bruce McEwen says “the mind is so powerful that we can set off the [stress] response by imagining ourselves in a threatening situation”. Is it this ability that can cause people to be stuck rumminating and anticipating a stressful situation and being stuck in the stress response, leading to a state of anxiety?

We may have lost sight of where some of our body processes come from but we need to recognise them to make them work for us. Unchecked we can easily drift into symptons we know associate with anxiety.

How can we recognise our reactions, acknowledge them and make them work for us in modern life?

Sounds like action is needed!

  1. Recognition and understanding is the first step.
  2. Time out in the fresh air, dog walking, connecting with nature, or any exercise which suits your lifestyle, is a must.
  3. Relaxation of the mind, accompanying exercise, or in the form of meditation, mindfulness or hypnosis.

This gives you time to disconnect from your concerns and enjoy the physicality of movement and/or of emptying your mind – preferably both!!

If this is a challenge and you are finding activity difficult to incorporate into your week,  sessions with a Hypnotherapist can help you to identify what you need to focus on for yourself, to promote better well-being.

The outcome is harnessing the energy  of your body and mind to work with you!

Let’s Talk Mental Health: Sleep Anxiety and Insomnia. — maria alexandra \\

A practical guide on how to get you sleep habits back on track…

A truly ‘ideal’ lifestyle – the definition of which is subjective – is, I would argue, impossible to achieve. In some instances, mere time constraints may get in the way: you miss workouts because of upcoming exams, choose convenient food while travelling, sleep less than your body needs because of work. Sometimes, it’s mental health. […]

via Let’s Talk Mental Health: Sleep Anxiety and Insomnia. — maria alexandra \\