Coming of age

My oldest child has become a young adult!!

Does it make me feel old?  A little…

Am I sad about it…

not really!?

feb-17-176

The last few years whilst she has been preparing for being more independant, have been a bit of a balancing act. I have still wanted to guide her as a parent, and will continue to do so,  but in a lesser role no doubt. There has been lots of challenge and disagreement!

As a parent of a teenager the conflict has been between me trying ‘not to know best’ and being available for discssions around tricky issues.

As teenagers they need to be able to explore who they are, look to their peers, try things out, challenge themselves, learn lots, make mistakes and run to the parent/s when things go wrong!

Their communication is all over the place from disengagement to outright rudenesss, with good moments in between.

It is a challenge to be steadily reasonable yourself when they are rejecting everything you open your mouth to say and can seem like a huge attack on you as a person.  You are “old” and “out of touch” and “don’t know anything” and are laughable – some of this is somewhat true, but can be very difficult to hear out of the mouth of babes. From the one you cradled, protected and nutured over the past 15 years or so and seems not that long ago. I know I’m getting sentimental now…

Parents need to keep adult enough, ensure they have their own interests and support systems to be strong and supportive during this phase. Having your own peers to share issues, laugh and keep perspective with is important.You are also a role model for your young person and how you deal with the stresses and strains of life is teaching those observing what the choices for lifestyle are. If you are struggling with any of these, seek help and support for yourself!

If you can keep communication channels open enough, you are doing well. You should be their sounding base at times and it is essential you set boundaries but are available for discussion if necessary, to unpick what is reasonable.

It may not feel like they trust anything you say much of the time but moments of difficulty will highlight this to you. Teens face huge pressures to look good, perform well academically and be social. Issues with low mood and anxiety have never been higher for our young people. Social media is the way of communicating so being involved and informing yourself, with your teens where possible, so what they are accessing is understood is essential. Friendships are of course a huge feature of this period and should be encouraged ideally with some interaction from parents so you are aware of their activities. Educate yourself on the dangers and the impact of social media and other teen issues on health and wellbeing. Awareness aids communication skills and being able to discuss more difficult subjects.

Schools and colleges are striving to keep pace with current issues as they arise and communicating with them and other relevant organisations, working together to support your teenager, can be reassuring in an ever changing environment. Keeping your teen engaged with learning and other activities available to them will promote their sense of belonging and reduce anti social activities. So having an open mind and being aware of opportunities to develop and support them is key.

So many issues to consider and I’m sure I’ve forgotten some…

I’m sure on embracing adulthood my daughter will continue to have problematic moments which at times I will find wearing. However…

Now I do feel more able to say – you’re a young adult, what do you think?

This has pushed some of the responsibility for more difficult decisions back to her and enabled a two way conversation with more balance.

It is a huge relief!!

Work stress

We continue to hear about the growing evidence of how excessive stress is bad for our health, and we are increasingly feeling it.

With our multi layered busy lives at home and increasing accountablity and pressures in the working environment…

How can we keep stress levels in perspective!

Sometimes it seems like we spend more time at work than we do anywhere else. Therefore, it’s important to make your work space as comfortable as possible. Because when you’re getting stressed at work, you’re probably going to take it home with you. Here are 5 ways to de-stress: Decorate your office Whether it be […]

via 5 Ways To De-Stress At Work — Hookup Culture

As an Hypnotherapist I can help you to access strategies and give you tools which help you to manage your stress levels.

Stress management is a skill for life. Improve your well being, both mentally & physically!

Stress – mind & body links

stress-1024x536

We have known for some time the affects that emotional stress has on the body. Particularly the increased risk of cardio vascular disease, this includes high blood pressure, and the risk of heart attacks and strokes.

Some of this can be due to negative coping mechanisms – such as smoking tobacco and drinking alcohol – but a direct link between the psychological processes and the impact our health has been identified.

Research published in the Lancet last week by by a team of researchers from Massachusetts General Hospital and Icahn School of Medicine in New York have found a link between our emotions and heightened activity in the amygdala.

The amygdala is the part of the brain which processes emotions such as fear and anger.

In the first study by measuring activity in this part of the brain using CT scans and measuring the levels of inflammation in the arteries, heightened activity was indentified. By following up participants over several years, following a period of perceived stress, the researchers were able to show an association between the likelihood of a cardiac event and increased stress.

They also showed that higher levels of activity in the amygdala were associated with the occurence of cardiac events sooner.

The second study added weight to these findings. Participants stress levels were significantly associated with activity in the amygdala and arterial inflamation.

This pioneering work provides more evidence of the heart brain connection.

Keeping your stress levels in perspective are more important than ever.

Basics:-

  1. Recognise stress within yourself

  2. Journal your thoughts and feelings – reducing mental stresses and observe your growth

  3. Increase physical activity levels to maintain body wellbeing

  4. Eat as healthily as you can

  5. Nuture sleep

  6. Connect with others and communicate your challenge

    At times this may be challenging, in which case seek support.

Why Losing Control Can Make You Happier – Mindful

imageWork on lessening your need to seek control over others via Why Losing Control Can Make You Happier – Mindful

This explains a lot of the power balance when trying to manage teenagers!

As a parent I continue to work on stepping back a little…

Set boundaries, but keep communication open and encourage negociation and discussion. LOL!

Uni visits

It’s pouring rain and we are wandering around the Uni buildings –

reception, sign in & general info, drink to acclimatise and funding!!

the student union, lecture theatre, accommodation & library.

3 hours later & all done?

Inspiration and a direction/focus identified?!?  

uni-sign

A troubling, anxiety ridden time for lack lustre teenager & parent/s.                                    

Your teenager is growing up rapidly and looking for their direction in life, wanting independance but also at times lacking confidence and feeling unsure about all the decisions to be made.

As a parent it can be very tricky supporting and guiding during this period, without seeming to be over controlling and exasperated.

Mood and motivation are big challenges –

Anxiety and depression can be a common feature of this stage of life and accessing appropriate help can be tricky. Where can a teenager express their feelings without being judged?

Often some simple changes can be made to help them achieve their dreams?

Exploring  and finding some small steps to take, with a hypnotherapist, can start that process.

Looking at what strengths and skills the young adult has and accessing internal resources to build on what we as parents know they have within, can give them confidence to make more positive choices.

Some small changes can make a big shift, change the trajectory and find the right outcome.

Teenage tantrums

dsc00474
Can you remember when life was all cute and cuddly!!

This seems like a long time ago now…………..it was a different more hands on and a physically demanding phase of life, but it was comforting and cosy.

Others warned of the challenges of teenagers – but nothing really prepare you!

They grunt

They withdraw into their rooms

They take everything as a criticism

Nothing is done around the house without a huff and a puff

They want money all the time

They want lifts to lots of different places – hopefully

or maybe they are constantly on a gadget!!

They are messy

Unreasonable

….and yet quite needy!!

Frustrating to say the least.

What about homework, peer groups, motivation, boy/girlfriends, alcohol, body image, sexting, drugs, sex, music (not rock ‘n roll), grooming – at least 2 types, choices, independance, parties, curfews,  part time jobs, a career? future, Uni?, study, health, safety, freedom, bullying, social media, wifi, kindness, money, driving, family relationships and responsibilities…

I’m sure there are lots of things I’ve missed. It’s endless and draining and emotional, and at times tedious and confusing, as a parent……………let alone the young person!!

Anxiety is a big concern around this period, for the teenager who is negociating their growth and exposure to new concepts both emotionally and psychologically, let alone the physical and hormonal challenges. This brings insecurity, social anxiety and risk taking behaviours possibly all at once! It can also be tricky to negociate for the parents, with a return to sleepless nights, but for a whole range of reasons.

It will all be worth it, I keep hoping…….. but all seems a bit thankless at times. 

This is all preparation for when the stroppers step away from their home base and become their own person. Your job will be done! The input that has taken years of your energies will be either embraced or rejected and you can no longer easily influence.

Every phase of parenthood has its challenges and some parents will deal with certain phases better than others. Teenagers can cause you to feel rejected, powerless and stressed as you try to support their challanges.

Remind yourself this is a necessary seperation and rejection of your values, ideas and beliefs for them to be able to grow up into independant people.

As a parent apart from supporting them and trying to keep in communication with them to guide them as needed and certainly when it is asked for….

To keep yourself positive you need :-

  – support from your partner, friends or close family member – an empathetic person who can hear you, but not judge you when you need to unload!

– time for yourself, to develop your own interests and remind yourself of your strengths and abilities

seek out information and resources that can guide you and give you strategies to make the teenage years as smooth running as possible

– friendship with others with teenagers so you can swap tips or ideas or just giggle and let off steam at the ridiculousness of some of the challenges

– focus on your own goals and direction for when you will have more time available for career moves or new skills

-time out for you, to relax and be able to face the challenges

space to explore how you feel about the uncertainty of the future and what the opportunities are!

Not everyone has the right contacts to meet their needs and keep you positive. Or you lack direction, feel overwhelmed or isolated?

Meditaion and Self hypnosis can be transforming tools to help self manage these feelings for both the teenager and the adult. Talking to a Integrated Hypnotherapist can help you identify what needs to change and how to use these resources so you can move forward.

Some time for relaxation and refocus is a start!

Eliminate binge eating by saying no to diets – Hypnotherapy Directory

w704How do you ‘treat’ yourself?  (There are several ways of reading this sentence.)

Do you regard your own functioning and wellbeing highly?

Ditch the diets and choose a healthier eating pattern…..

via Eliminate binge eating by saying no to diets – Hypnotherapy Directory

Anxiety – just one experience but similarities for all sufferers.

Anxiety

You know that thing when you wake up really early in the morning and have anxiety? Like you cannot quite put your finger on it but your heart beats fast, your chest feels tight, you go over a zillion mostly irrational things in your head, you have butterflies, think you’re dying, maybe fall asleep for […]

via Anxiety — violetonlineisonline